Running on Empty

So it happened—I am back to where I started. Call it stress or cortisol or a crazy schedule, a metabolism that moves at a salt drunken snail’s pace, or too many donuts and too little exercise; whatever, I’m here. This week I stepped onto the scales and I saw a configuration of three numbers I never want to see again.

Immediately the demon chorus in my head began to sing, “Failure! Forget about trying to beat this; you’re not worth it!” --but I made a decision. I chose to deny those voices who do not know me, did not create me, did not dream me up or knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I chose, instead, to hear the voice of God, to choose love, to extend grace to myself—marvelous creation that I am, fearfully and wonderfully made, made in the image of the Divine.  

I dusted off my running shoes, the ones from last year, plugged my ears with the inspirational beat of Beyonce’s Girls Run the World and I put one foot in front of the other and let my gait move to a slow, steady jog through the streets of my neighborhood. By the time I crossed over into the next subdivision, every beleaguered slap of my shoe against the road was a sermon as I took the winding hill and Kelly Clarkson sang, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

My breath keeping time with my steps, I began that lovely self-talk, informed by thousands of Cosmo quizzes and the power of God—the female equivalent of the half time speech in the Fighting Irish locker room, when your best self reminds you, “You got this!”

Thanking God for small victories, I ran farther than I thought I could and decided this was for me, a new beginning. Sore knees and throbbing ankles didn’t force me to give up, instead, I got professionally fitted for new running shoes and last night, signed up for my first half marathon.  Today, as I stare at the training schedule hanging on my refrigerator,  I am aware that it is a long way from my starting place of four miles per week--on a good week, to a 13 mile mini marathon but I am determined and God loves me, so I will at least try.

Perhaps this is the metaphor for all of life, the daily rhythm of wrapping ourselves up in the love of God, believing we can do more, be more, love more than we thought; embracing what is good and true and casting off the voices of fear and doubt. Making choices to take hold of what God has dreamed for us and leaving behind the rest of the noise. Maybe all of us are just one decision away from “The Edge of Glory” and proving Psalm 139 and Rhianna is right, “Oh, baby I’m a rockstar!”

For more information on the Indianapolis Women’s Half Marathon or my Training Schedule follow this link or www.indywomenshalfmarathon.com/ send me a message below.        

                                                                                                                                                                                              

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