Nights are restless. I sleep for a couple of hours and then wake and toss and turn confronted by the sad mess that has become my life. I cannot concentrate. In the shower, I forget whether I have conditioned my hair or not. If you’ve seen my hair, you know I must condition!! I cannot for the life of me remember where I put the coupon I needed for the sale at the store that ends this week. I will hold something in my hand, and think, “oh so glad I found this.” Twenty seconds later I lay it down and it is never to be found again.
I come home in the afternoon, home from the pool or running errands, lunch with friends, whatever I can find to fill my day and exhaustion overtakes me. When left alone on the sofa, I fall into a deep sleep and wake with drool on my chin hours later. I cannot organize my home, I cannot even see a load of laundry through from start to finish. I did get a facial, and a manicure; baby steps for self-care and yesterday a pedicure. That’s when it hit me. It was my first pedicure without my mom in this world.