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![]() I am a Christian and I read it. I am a Bible professor, I am a minister to women in sex trade, I am a wife, a mother, an aunt, a friend and a feminist and that's exactly why I read Fifty Shades of Grey. I read it for much the same reason I read the Davinci Code, because I am always curious about pieces of art and literature that are deemed "off limits" by the church. As a result of any given smear campaign or all-out assault of a novel from well-intentioned sisters and brothers in the faith; I am convinced I must read the book to form my own opinion as I am sure many, who are speaking out against it, have not. In the case of the Davinci Code, I wanted to learn exactly what historical claims and MSS evidence was so air tight that it had alluded biblical scholars and been revealed to novelist Dan Brown to the point of threatening our faith. Regarding Fifty, I wanted to know why Christian women were purchasing this book in secret while pastors and church leaders were warning us from it for fear it would erode our marriages and feed our porn addicted proclivities-since we are aware that statistics for divorce and porn addiction are the same inside the church as outside. My marriage some 15 years intact, and since I don’t struggle with addiction to pornography-- rather a whole host of other sins like worry, overeating and an unhealthy lust for perfection-- I thought it was something I could read and present an informed position not based in fear or rage. So I read it. Afterwards I felt much like I did after reading the Twilight novels, (another cultural marvel born out of young adult fiction) wondering why in the world this literature was some sort of phenomena. First of all, I am generally turned off by any and all 30 year old billionaires since I have been in school since Moses and Miriam walked the earth and have been working hard towards tenure, writing and researching my fingers to the bone all the while carrying a full load of classes. I hate to even think about some fantasy world where some young punk who didn't earn it owns his own plane and corporate firm. The dialogue between Mr. Grey and Ms. Steele was as cheeky (forgive the pun) and cliched as Saturday morning "Saved by the Bell" in the eighties. Though one might accept their sexual appeal towards each other, I was left unconvinced of their love since none of the fires of life had tested it yet. In EL James' defense, this book was meant to be fan fiction as a take-off of Edward and Bella, the same couple who left me asking, "Are you serious??" throughout the Twilight novels. Edward's cool gallantry and Bella's emotionless response to his already dead folk affection was—to turn a phrase-- a waste of vampire blood. I am vehemently against the forced submission, oppression and abuse of women in any form. I also must caution here and inform readers that there are S&M rings that exist in which women are trapped, coerced and forced to remain and perform. This is a form of trafficking and is the plight of our times. Though I didn't find this to be the case with characters in Fifty, I read Ana to be consenting albeit foolish and Christian to be wounded and damaged beyond repair such that his only connection with women must be through a mutually agreed upon arrangement providing for his own dominance. It seemed to me that sex was what bound them to one another and they had trouble relating through much else. It turns out, this is not what my fantasies are made of. Instead, my heart beats for the man who has stood steadfastly beside me through all the twists and turns of life, through all the loss and grief of the past decade and a half, who has helped to steady me on the rocky path of broken dreams and shattered relationships of best laid plans that fell utterly apart. I am not “drunk in love” with a man in a mask, rather a man with a heart revealed through time and tragedy and the occasional burned sweet potato fries. I wonder if this is the antidote then to all our fear of a movie set to air on the day of St. Valentine, that we quiet our hearts and ease our troubled minds by looking to what we have and who we are, by trusting in the person we chose to do life with and knowing in his arms we are safe and good. Maybe instead of picketing a movie premier or forbidding parishioners to view it, we should take care to make sure the wounded people in our lives know they are loved. Maybe this cultural phenomena shows us again how important it is that we begin to have real and needed discussions about sex, sexual ethics and relationships in the church, about roles and respect for the presence of the divine in us all. Maybe we see here the critical work before us and we press in to flesh out a theology of women that doesn’t render us silent and less than rather empowered and free. Maybe we should be informed rather than afraid, more Jesus-y and a lot less preach-y and more warm and welcoming to people in pain so they are invited out of the shades and shadows of grey.
32 Comments
Heather Villa
2/13/2015 07:34:48 am
It took moxie to write this post, and you make it clear that work needs to be done . . . so that people are “invited out of the shades and shadows of grey.”
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Kimberly
2/14/2015 02:27:34 am
Thanks Heather!
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Amber Bentley
2/14/2015 10:47:14 am
I LOVE this so much! Oxoxox
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Sarah
2/13/2015 08:24:55 am
Well said Kimberly. I read it too. Had no idea what it was about when I started it, but then read all three books. Felt sorry for the characters, their brokenness, and their ideas of "love".
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Kimberly
2/14/2015 02:28:30 am
Thanks Sarah, just wanted an open and honest forum to discuss.
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Well said. As an person who has a vested interest in creative writing, language and literature, and the English language, my biggest complaint in reading this book is that it's so poorly written. You allude to that, but I couldn't ignore how bad it was. I read it for many of the same reasons you list, but I wish I wouldn't have. I will never get that time back!
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Corby
2/13/2015 09:15:38 am
a person, not an person... Gr.
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Kimberly
2/14/2015 02:29:47 am
Ha! Yes!! Awful but then we are full grown women who value the craft of a phrase. <3
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Mimi
2/13/2015 09:48:23 am
I appreciate this post, Kimberly, and admit it stung a little bit as I'm one who was cautioning people not to see the film. I didn't read the book and know that it's not exactly fair to criticize something I haven't personally found out about or looked into. I guess it is fear that motivated me to post warnings - fear for my daughters and for the young women I work with who are enamored with the characters of this book and romance. I see such a warped view of love and sex in our culture and wanted to try and keep people from seeing more of it. Perhaps I should pray about things more before I protest on social media and the like. Thank you for making me think - that there may be better ways I can impact the people around me toward a healthy, wholesome point of view.
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Mimi
2/13/2015 09:55:53 am
clarifying - my daughters aren't enamored by the story as far as I know - the young gals I work with are
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Mimi
2/14/2015 02:34:49 am
Thanks for your open, honest comments here. I know you and I am sure your caution was well placed. As a pastor and mother you are right to help steer and shepherd young women. I didn't find anything you have said 'fear based' rather loving concern. I just wanted to be forthcoming about the fact that I'd read it and share another perspective. Just want to bring things into the light and sometimes feel like I have to step forward with my own stuff to do so. You are a phenomenal mother and pastor and your daughters are beautiful bright and confident and I am so proud to call you friend! Xo
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Tamara Shelton
2/13/2015 09:50:10 am
I cannot express to you how much I love this response. I completely agree with you. These have been in my thoughts over the entire controversy and you put it into words beautifully.
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Kimberly
2/14/2015 02:35:19 am
Thanks sister!!
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Cindy
2/13/2015 10:43:11 am
Very well thought out and shared. Thank you, Kimberly.
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Kimberly
2/14/2015 02:35:44 am
Thanks for reading friend!
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David
2/13/2015 11:24:02 am
Kimberly, this is well written and thought out. We've been married 38 years and it's the commitment, standing together in tough times, holding together the hand of a loved one as they breathe their last. It's staying up late wondering about your kids at 18 and 30, sitting in a hospital eating pretty bland food and all the time knowing it is love. ..The cleave to each other kind of love that takes us across a lifetime. Bodies will sag, things won't work as they used to, but love from the soul is eternal and forever romantic. Keep challenging with your honesty and need to know all sides. Peace.
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Kimberly
2/14/2015 02:37:05 am
Thanks friend. Yes, wanted this to be a sort of Valentine to my love and an homage to an honest and real relationship. I think this is what a poorly written showed me most vividly.
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Meredith
2/13/2015 12:01:57 pm
I don't think I've met you personally, I think we have some mutual FB friends. But just from reading this I have a feeling I could be your friend. Well stated.
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Kimberly
2/14/2015 02:37:30 am
Thanks Meredith!
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MaryAnn
2/13/2015 12:24:12 pm
Thank you Kimberly. I affirm your passion for honest inquery and your compassion for hurting people. Love flows in, thru, and to us from our covenant God.
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Kimberly
2/14/2015 02:37:49 am
Thanks MAH love you!!
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Marcia
2/13/2015 04:07:09 pm
I like the integrity and heart of what you are saying. My only concern with it is that there are plenty of women who struggle with porn, whether written or viewed. And plenty of women who cannot-should not-read this book or see this movie because it will be arousing, and confusing, and damaging to their minds and hearts. Not because they are weak or stupid, but because we are all humans, and broken, and at different places in working out our issues. For that reason I am glad there is an uprising happening against the book and movie. Many women would like to think that they could read it for the purposes of arming themselves with first hand knowledge of what it entails, in order to come to their own conclusions. Many women will use that as an excuse as to why they read it. (I am NOT accusing you of this. I don't know you, and I am not saying this in an effort to shame anyone.) It wouldn't be the end of the world if that happened. It also wouldn't be beneficial. (In my opinion). It could lead some women down a rabbit hole they didn't know they were vulnerable to. And then there are the young girls, who will read it on the sly (i would have been one), and whose ideas of what is normal, healthy, and acceptable in relationships and sexuality will be shaped by it. I recognize that it is a symptom of a much larger issue. But I am okay with the women-the ones who have a lot to say about it even though they havent read it-speaking their peace. It's our job as mothers, sisters, daughters and friends and most importantly, Jesus lovers, to speak up when we see danger. It's unfortunately not always done well. Usually with mixed motives even. But I hear the most important motive in it as well. The same motive that I believe prompted you to write this post. I hear love in it.
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Marcia
2/14/2015 02:41:40 am
Thanks Marcia!
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Jenni
2/13/2015 04:50:16 pm
As a Christian, former dancer, and lover of books. I like that you took the time to read the book before commenting. I think you would find that if you read all 3 books that they are in love but that's not the point
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Kimberly
2/14/2015 02:45:23 am
Thanks for your comments Jenni! Yes, wanted to be clear that I hadn't read all the books and I do know folks who found the love story between Christian and Ana to be liberating. I just wanted to lift up another perspective, help us all calm down a bit. I am overjoyed to hear that you were able to leave the industry and find a new path, hoping all my friends come to believe what you now know, you matter, you are loved by God and you can be free! If you'd like to keep in contact with our ministry you can visit us at strippedlove.org <3
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Elena
2/14/2015 12:58:43 am
I find it interesting how many people miss the contract component of the relationship between Anna and Christian. Throughout the development of their relationship, they are establishing a contract of what they will and will not tolerate. This is powerful for both of them. People want to romanticize love and marriage but when we sign that marriage certificate, we are signing a contract. I believe if more people would recognize the contract both in terms of their own limits and the limits of their partner, we would have greater respect and far fewer divorces.
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Kimberly
2/14/2015 03:18:54 am
Thanks Elena! Glad you read my post and stopped by. I'm also glad you found something redemptive and fueling for love in the books. Sometimes I think we find what we want to see.
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Sherry
2/14/2015 08:40:36 am
I have not read the book nor seen the movie. I only fear the content and respect your thoughts and beliefs regarding the content. But, looking from my side and past experiences with men whom abuse women, are addicted to pornography and get through life, (in a "Christian" home, with Godly parents, ministers in the family), are swept under the rug and pushed off onto the next person. Usually the wife, to attempt to deal with this man's addiction with no moral support, family support, or any support what so ever and be humiliated, accused of "holding something over their sons head", mortified by their reaction to the request for help, feeling allienated, hated, and turned away yet again in 31 years. It only solidifies my belief that some Christians hide behind the "We are human" excuse, "I sin by nature. I have been forgiven and healed", yet continue to look at smut, pornography, and whatever they can including shunning their wife, sleeping on the sofa for more than 20 years and taking the best married years of my life that I could actually enjoy being married and stomp it into the ground like dust and his mother comes behind him and sweeps it under the rug.
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Stephanie
2/15/2015 08:42:43 am
Disappointing to say the least! I'm sure Jesus would've read it. NOT!
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Kim
2/15/2015 11:54:28 am
I love your courage! I find it has been very useful to read or watch things that we think may be harmful to find out for sure! When I taught 3rd grade, I read the Harry Potter books for the same reason. The school I taught at would not allow the book at school, and I knew my students would be reading them. I did not read 50 Shades of Grey because I heard it was poorly written and I knew I would blush the entire time! If my daughter were to read it, I surely would have. It would have been another opportunity to talk about how women are often coerced or forced into situations in which they are victimized. Even seemingly innocent situations can make a girl feel like a victim. I did read an article by a doctor (psychiatrist) that seemed to confirm what I thought was true by hearing my coworkers talk about the book. It is a brief article. Here is that link if you might be interested. http://www.megmeekermd.com/2015/02/a-psychiatrists-letter-to-young-people-about-fifty-shades-of-grey/
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Lacey
2/19/2015 09:33:23 am
Thank you for writing this post!!! I am a fan of the books, yet I wouldn't give EL James a good writing grade either! Lol! I do think that people tend to judge quickly and harshly, especially people in the church unfortunately. The story of Christian and his awful background paired with Ana and her naivete intrigued me. So much happens throughout all three books to let the reader know that Ana is a very strong woman, who at first was naive, is actually the hero in the end. She saves Christian from his internal suffering. It really should not be causing such a fuss and I was happy to read a REAL review. Thank you! :)
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